Another One Bites the Dust....?

Well, I have had some questions about Mr. Army. Why don't I hear from him on weekends? Why can he be so inconsistent when responding to text messages? Why is he bothering to call or text once a week when he really doesn't act all that interested otherwise? I still don't know the answer to those questions. My mind, of course has many different answers, but who knows what is right. I'm not sure why I keep attracting men that don't seem to be interested in me more than a few months. I tried to do things differently this time. So much for trying to be upfront about eventually wanting a relationship. I haven't even slept with the guy! Have I been too available? Why is it so wrong to see a guy when he's got free time and I'm not busy or answer the phone when he calls or respond to a text message when he writes to me? I know, there needs to be a challenge, some mystery, but when I like someone, I just want to show that and I want the same thing back from him. I can't stand playing games...some people may say it's not a game, but it feels like that to me.

As of today, I haven't seen Mr. Army in two weeks and four days. He's supposedly been training and working late. The week before Valentine's Day, I talked to him on the phone once and got a few text messages, but nothing in depth (as usual). That weekend, for some reason I had a pretty strong feeling that I wouldn't hear from him again. Valentine's Day came and he sent me a text wishing me a happy day and asking what I was up to that week (a complete surprise). He called late that night. I sent him a text the next day (Tuesday) and he replied with a one word response on Thursday. I didn't write back. Yes, I know, something is going on. I get it, even though I really don't. The hardest thing has been discovering weeks ago that he has a Facebook page, created by it seems, a scorned lover. The only post on his Wall is a warning to all ladies not to date him. Great! I've wanted to talk to him for weeks about it (his ex is obviously a little nuts at least!), as well as ask him where we stand, yet we haven't seen each other. Figures, I finally want to talk to a guy and not text, and we don't see each other. I know this situation is a waste of time, but in true "Stacy No Confidence nor Strength" fashion, I ended up calling him over the weekend and leaving him a message about the Facebook thing, as well as telling him how I've been feeling confused about things. It's not like we spent a lot of time together, but I was starting to like him a lot. Really though, I know I deserve better and I should be able to let this go. The phone call pretty much sealed the deal as far as not hearing from him again. I don't know why I can't just end something with a guy which is what I should have done here instead of the phone call. I guess I always want to believe there is hope and things aren't they way they seem.

Why do I do that??? I should be able to just let it go. He's obviously not interested in me! It's not like we spent a lot of time together, but I was starting to like him a lot. Really though, I know I deserve better and I should be able to let this go. I should be able to move on and not think twice, but instead I make myself anxious over it. I stay up half the night planning out what I want to say when we talk. I daydream about how I wish things could be different. It's absolutely ridiculous and then I end up feeling terrible about how weak and pathetic I am. I need to change. I even invested in this dating program which I have listened to and think is a joke. But really, what do I have to lose with trying it, except that it will be a totally different way of thinking for me. It's going to feel like I'm playing a game and I can't stand that. I've dated a lot of guys and there's a reason why I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years. I'd love to continue to blame the guys, but I can't. I need to take responsibility and figure out what I'm doing wrong because I'm tired or these dead ends and constant disappointments. Wish me luck...